A HITCH-HIKER’S GUIDE TO CARING
A very brief summary and interpretation of the eight elements of caring described in TOWARD A CARING SOCIETY by Pearl M. and Samuel P. Oliner.
The “attaching” processes:
BONDING: forming positive connections to places and people, wherever you live and spend your time. Bonding environments often meet basic needs (i.e. the kitchen) and include formal or informal rituals.
DO: create or take advantage of opportunities to share with others, even if it’s a simple as a meal. Understand that forming bonds takes time, attention and commitment.
DON’T: smother individuality, or set insiders against outsiders. Don’t be phony just to be part of the group, or insist that others meet all your expectations.
EMPATHIZING: understanding others’ feelings. Empathy arises from awareness in depth of others’ situations, and from common experiences.
DO: know yourself, so you can imagine the role of another without losing your identity.
DON’T: decide you know what others need. Ask them!
LEARNING CARING NORMS: learning the responsibilities and expressions of caring, especially from parents, is often a crucial factor in altruistic and compassionate behavior.
DO: teach your children well with a few positive caring concepts that can be applied to a wide variety of situations. Talk about the reasons for fairness and compassion. Encourage balance between doing for others and doing for themselves.
DON’T: rely only on rules or punishment. Accentuate what’s right rather than what’s wrong: the positive acts of caring.
PRACTICING CARE: from common courtesy to careers in helping professions, taking care of others and empowering them.
DO: Learn to listen and respond.
DON’T: feel guilty when you have to pull back. Care involves choices.
The “including” processes:
DIVERSIFYING: making an effort to know different kinds of people.
DO: overcome cultural distortions by engaging in common experiences with others.
DON’T: think you know everything about another culture after one encounter.
NETWORKING: working together with others on something you have in common. Networks can be teams that work together every day, or groups connected only by the Internet.
DO: identify stakeholders in a common agenda. Think holistically, share information.
DON’T: let pursuing the goal override caring behavior.
RESOLVING CONFLICTS: learn and use skills and strategies to solve problems without force or intimidation.
DO: learn the skills to transform enemies into partners in a solution that meets everyone’s needs as they perceive them.
DON’T: assume all conflict is bad. Some conflict leads to creativity. Don’t avoid problems---address them.
ESTABLISHING GLOBAL CONNECTIONS: “linking the here and now with people and places far-and-wide throughout the planet in the service of care.”
DO: seek out ways to connect what you do with benefits to the larger world---to society, the environment, the future.
DON’T: get crazy because you can’t change the world overnight. Don’t lose sight of caring goals by getting lost in power games.
